One of the first things I do on the morning of a significant holiday is look back to where I was, what I was doing, and how I felt on the previous year. Last Christmas I had just started seeing Cutie, I was getting out of a funk, and I spent the day drunk at my parents’ house and made an ass of myself. That was my last drink for 11+ months, a streak broken by a trip to Las Vegas with some girlfriends earlier this month.
This Christmas my first Merry Christmas text was from Cutie. I haven’t seen him for months since he moved away but we check in from time to time. I miss him. Also, I did not drink or make an ass of myself. It was quiet and low key. The biggest difference was in the amount of Merry Christmas texts sent and received. And that certainly made the holiday warmer. Also, my older sister recently got married and for the first time since she started seeing this guy (who she met online, by the way), I can see how good they are together. I’m happy for her.
Since the guy who was emotionally unavailable and I split up, I do hear from him often. I do not regret calling things off. I can’t deal with someone else’s relationship drama and doubts. I need someone who is a good place and is healthy. He wanted to keep hanging out and getting to know each other so that when he was ready we could just be together. No thanks!
I met another guy, some brain surgeon (seriously) who might be book smart but certainly cannot manage his interpersonal relationships. I was horrified by his ex-wife and kid situation and couldn’t hide it. There was no way that was going to work.
Then, I decided that what I needed was someone to go out with (and have sex with) but not necessarily to have a relationship with. Since nearly everyone I meet is either not someone I would go out with or if they are of interest to me they are broken, I thought it would be nice to have someone for companionship and sex while I’m looking. Plus, my training schedule is going to be a little intense as I ramp up for a full marathon and my goal – to get hot in 2013.
When an internet guy looking for nothing serious got in touch with me I decided to meet in person. I explained to him that ultimately I want a relationship but it is taking so long that I would like someone to date casually while I’m trying to date seriously. He said it made sense and that he was looking at something casual due to his work schedule. Our meeting was a success and we scheduled a date which also went well. He is pretty smitten and of course that freaks me out a little since we have met only twice. I heard from him after our date that he doesn’t know how I feel about him (sigh) and that he can see this being more than he intended. The conversation was a little awkward. He is overthinking it. I heard from him a little the next day and not at all today. I’m not sure if he is busy and/or not much of a texter or if he is now “scared”. If it is the latter, I’m seriously not interested. C’mon, we are adults here!
I have seen my Original FWB a few times lately and things are great. He sleeps over in my bed but we don’t have sex or even make out, just cuddle. Weird, I know. But it works. Otherwise, I have been spending a lot of time with my girlfriends and it has been wonderful. I feel lovable and loved.