Doing right by me

I find myself often caring more than I should for the men in my life. Caring is fine but can you care for the wrong reasons? I don’t know exactly why I care but I don’t think some of the people I care about care back. They care when they are bored, horny, tired, stressed, or need an ego boost. I, on the other hand, check in when they are sick or down, tell them happy birthday, remind them I care, and am there for them when they need me. I do it because that is what I want and because I believe that is what friends do.

I’m realizing that I am focusing on the wrong friends. I’m giving where I’m not getting. I’m accepting crumbs. I don’t expect the world just something equal to what I give.

I usedbto see someone that I have mentioned here before but I am not going to link to because I am lazy. I have not seen him in years but we keep in touch. He lives 3,000 miles away. He emails me when he is bored and talks about seeing each other but it does not happen. Well he took a job on my side of the country and plans to be here monthly. He assumed we would spend that time together. I told him via email that I would not see him because I can no longer give and not get. He has not gotten my email yet.

Then I decided to tell my Original FWB the same thing. With him it is different because I think it kills my ego that he will sleep with me but not date me yet he dates women who are highly dysfunctional. When he had surgery I checked on him, I ask him about his new job, I help him when he needs it, and yet he can’t be bothered to do the same for me.

If Cutie were still in town I would do the same with him. I’m so supportive of him and so caring yet he is never there for me unless he wants something.

I’m just tired of it. And I don’t undersrand it. I thought I was a good catch and I’m not sure exactly how that is not true and I really can’t understand how someone can not appreciate someone’s support and thoughtfulness.

I was dumped again for having my shit together. I don’t quite understand that one either. I thought having your shit together was a good thing?

This is not all bad…I have some amazing girlfriends, a good job, my sweet dogs, a pretty cool house, my health, and lots of other stuff. I just need to be pickier as to who I allow into my life. Sad, really.

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4 thoughts on “Doing right by me

  1. Amen! I’m realising the same thing, although in my case it is the girlfriends, rather than men, who I let take advantage of me. I’ve decided to implement the same stringent criteria for friends as I do for boyfriends and I have a feeling I’ll have significantly less friends to worry about in the future…

  2. Yes, you’re the person that so many others need to be nowadays. Raise your standards and stop wasting your time with people who don’t respect you. I’ve been searching high and low for someone like you (who is like me) and surely there’s another one of me out there who will appreciate you. My two cents.

  3. I agree. These guys don’t really care that much about you. They’re basically transactional. When they want something, they come. But they’re not going to support you, or offer kind words when you’re struggling, or anything that comes from a giving place. I have had to weed people out of my life before. Mostly “friends” that sucked me dry, although a couple of women I dated at one point also come to mind. It’s a good sign for you, even though it kind of sucks doing it.

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