Many years ago when I was in my teens I befriended a woman through one of my hobbies/sports who was older (my age but back then that seemed “older”). She was single and made a decent salary. She owned a little house and had pets. She did what she wanted to do when she wanted to do it. She ate what she wanted to eat and she decorated her home the way she liked it. I thought she had the best life. I wanted one just like hers and, well, it looks like I got it.
I remember her often telling me that she was lonely. I didn’t understand at the time. She had a lot of affairs with married men and inappropriate men. Many relationships were purely physical. It looks like I got that part of her life, too.
I still think she had a good thing going but I ran into her somewhat recently and now I’m not so sure. She is a checker at the grocery store and she looks like hell. It turns out she is something of a crazy, single cat lady now. It kinda scared the shit out of me. I don’t want that.
So, I decided to not only close myself from those people who I have no future with but to open myself up to those I do. I already mentioned saying what I needed to say to a few of the men in my life and that was a good move. I met a guy recently and, well, who knows. I’m sick of false starts so I won’t mention him.
Things are good and they are only getting better.