Life . . .

I started the new job on Monday. I’m already feeling a little overwhelmed with the workload and responsibilities. That being said, I also welcome the challenges and the opportunity to make some serious dough! I’m quite spoiled, I will admit, and I like it. I’m fitting in just fine, seamlessly really, and next week I am heading to my first big client meeting.

The house is still a work in progress. It’s happening slowly but surely. What a headache, really. If I wasn’t already so deep into the process at this point I would seriously be thinking about saying fuck it and renting. It’s such a tedious process.

Cutie popped back up, naturally. He is moving to another state for a position at his company. I think it will be really good for him and get him out of his safety zone. He’s so afraid of change and fearful of the unknown. He’s a really good man with deep-seated issues and I have faith that he can overcome them. Sex talk came up and frankly, I’m not sure I’m feeling it. Part of me says “He’s leaving anyway, just get some now because it’s been too long!” and part of me doesn’t want to bother with it and the aftermath. We’ll see how I feel when the time comes to make the decision.

That guy I was seeing? Well, that’s over. After our last date we met up again the next night because I was in his neck of the woods. We ended up making out though he would have been happy to have sex with me. I didn’t have sex with him because I wasn’t sure I was feeling it for him and though I thought he was nice, I wasn’t hot for him either. He was pretty good at not pushing me. He asked me out for the next night (Friday) but I declined because I was too tired from being out so late the night before.

We ended up spending the day together on Saturday and taking a road trip to the coast. It started out well, but like our first date, he had something like six pints of beer at dinner and ended up acting like a 20-something year old “kid” and being somewhat obnoxious and annoying. I don’t drink (at the moment) so that makes it even worse. I found myself almost asking him if he really needed another beer but didn’t want to nag or be condescending. He was sucking them down as fast as the waitress would bring them. On top of that, while he’s no dummy, he’s certainly not your typical white collar kind of guy. Which is fine. Except he uses weird (hick-like?) language. For instance, “I seen that guy the other day.” and “I knowed that guy from highschool.” What!?!? Overall, he was nice, polite, responsible, made a decent living, etc. but I was starting to get embarrassed by him in public and I knew that allowing him to meet family, friends or colleagues would also be a source of embarrassment. He would also talk a lot about how things would go if we were in a relationship or married which I thought was odd being that we’d just met. He has some old-fashioned ideas when it comes to lifestyles and relationships that I don’t share.

Anyway, he proceeded to get a little beligerent and then we walked down the beach back to his car. On the way he annoyed the shit out of me and embarrassed me. It took some time and then we got to his truck and drove home. He didn’t seem drunk at all, but he was sure tired and it made me nervous all the way back home. I invited him inside my apartment mostly because I was afraid he’d fall asleep at the wheel. I already knew that sex wasn’t on the table because he told me that he can’t get it up if he’s been drinking. He ended up staying the night because he wasn’t feeling well (from the alcohol) and he was too tired to drive.

In the morning I gave him breakfast and then had to go to meet a friend for a hike. I didn’t hear from him too much that day which was fine because at this point I was thinking that I wasn’t all that interested anymore. Since I didn’t hear from him too much on Monday, I assumed I was getting the fade for some reason and was OK with it. This evening as I had dinner with a girlfriend and was telling her about how I had been losing interst in him, I received a text from him.

He said he didn’t think we were a great match because he would end up trying to change things about me that make me the easy going and good person that I am. Then it was all about how he’s probably making a mistake, he’s so sorry, he feels terrible, he’s really mixed-up, and he would stress me out. Yes, he’s 43 and sending this over text. Lame. I’m not sure what he meant. I think it may have been about how he thought it was odd that I wasn’t texting him and calling him like “most girls do” so he never knew how I felt. I think he was insecure. I also believe he was the type to meet someone and be in a relationship that day. He also mentioned that he felt like I was too content being single compared to him, and I agreed that I was pretty happy with the way things were even though I was quite open to a relationship.

Another one bites the dust. But honestly, I’m OK with it. I wasn’t sure about him and I was also pretty upset over the possibility of this life I’m having right now coming to an end. I kinda like it. I am sure I would have ended it eventually if he hadn’t. I have my house to look forward to and a new job to focus on and I want to meet people with the same mindset. Though I think our values may have aligned, we were worlds apart in lifestyle. He likes the suburbs and I like the city. He likes all-inclusives in Mexico and I like exploring Europe. He likes trucks and I like cars. He says “ain’t” and I never would. It was fun while it lasted but it’s for the best that it ended.

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