So, wow . . .

The events over the past couple of weeks have told me one thing: to get my shit together!

I have a bad habit of letting things go, allowing it to snowball, and then finding myself not on the ball when I need to be. I don’t know if it’s laziness or a touch of depression that makes me do it, but it doesn’t matter.

Since my situation, yes, I still carry some paranoia with me, but overall, I’m on the right track. It may or may not bite my in the ass. I don’t know, and frankly at this point there is nothing I can do about it but prepare. I can’t let it darken my days and nights.

Big happenings:

  • I finally finished my 2011 taxes. It was stupid to wait considering I owed nothing. In fact, I received a $2 return!
  • Though I currently own a house with my ex, I’m looking to purchase another one for myself. I thought that having a mortgage would not allow it and now I’m finding out that there might be a way around it. I discovered that I could purchase a small home for as much as I spend on rent so it would be stupid not to go for it.
  • I’m ready to grow as a professional and have enrolled myself back in school. There will be student loans and a lack of free time due to studying, but I know it will be worth it in the end.
  • I’m definitely not dating. I’m not even perusing Craigslist for fun. I have zero interest at the moment.
  • I’m putting together a warm, beachy vacation for myself for my next birthday.
  • I have a second interview tomorrow for a job I really want.
  • My Original FWB and I are definitely just in the friend zone. And now he’s moving away. But, it’s OK, at least we’ve established our friendship.
  • I’m slowly weaning myself from Cutie. We’ve both been so busy as of late and my mind hasn’t been on sex because of everything else. I still care for him deeply and we’re still chatting at least once a week either texting or talking on the phone. I think we’d make a terrific couple (maybe?), but I’ve given up on ever being with someone when it makes sense. I’ve learned that people only date when the first time they’ve met is all chemistry regardless of the reality of the relationship. So, fuck it!
  • I’ve finally realized that there is a good chance that I will be alone for the rest of my life. I’ve never even considered this before because no one in my family is single or has been single for more than a year between relationships. I’ve never been single. This is the first time since highschool that I have gone more than six months without being in a relationship. Part of me kinda likes it and part of me is scared shitless for the future. I never thought I’d have someone to pay my way, but someone there to help me if I need it, catch me if I fall, be there for me in illness or if I lost my job, someone to come home to every night, and someone to be there for the good times, too.

2 thoughts on “So, wow . . .

  1. “I’ve finally realized that there is a good chance that I will be alone for the rest of my life. ” You know, I have felt this before. And it’s come around again recently. I think it’s healthy to recognize that it’s possible that you’ll be alone, and to be ok with that. But saying there’s “a good chance” – at your age, which is also my age – is too much. Unless you die young, you’ve got half a life or more left. Things change. It looks bleak now, but that’s how it is now.

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