Sometimes I wonder . . .

Remember the former coworker friend who decided he had a thing for me? I mentioned he recently announced a divorce and moved out. They’ve been split up for maybe two months total and he moved out two weeks ago. Of course, I don’t really know what happened because I was not there, so this is all just what he’s told me.

Well, during a group get together yesterday he showed up with a new girlfriend. She’s new, but not as in first-date new. You could tell by the way they were all over each other. While I was surprised due to the recent divorce and the fact that we talk a lot and he didn’t mention it, I was more surprised that she was actually cute. Maybe she is batshit crazy, or a bitch, I honestly have no idea. But he is very unattractive not to mention newly seperated from his wife of 20 years with a very young and special needs child. However, he does have a killer personality.

Of course, I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me for not jumping at the chance to be with him. Is he really all that but my perception is totally skewed? Did I miss out on something great because I’m so picky? I thought about it all night. Of course, besides not being attracted to him (the thought of being intimate with him repulses me), there is the fact that I really did not want to get involved with 1) a friend, 2) a friend who is a former co-worker and friends with all of my coworkers, 3) a married guy (he was married when he announced his feelings for me), (and now that he’s single) 4) someone recently seperated, and 5) someone with a very young child, special needs or not.

This is not about him, his actions, or his feelings. I don’t have a clue what’s going on with him and besides being disappointed that he didn’t tell me the whole story just half when I thought we were good friends, I don’t care that he has a girlfriend. It just makes me wonder if it’s been me that’s been out of whack during this whole dating thing?

Edit: I was re-reading my post for errors and it just hit me that maybe I project too much onto my dates. Maybe I think they are judging me as harshly as I am judging them? Maybe I am too caught up on looks and body and I think that is all they care so I get all weird and defensive in my personality while thinking that they are thinking I’m fat or ugly. Perhaps this is what gets me in the end and why “the more men like me the more likeable I become.” I think I might be onto something here . . .

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