Saturday night I had a date and scratched an itch by involving myself in a one-night stand. The date hasn’t contacted me (no big surprise there) and I have no interest in seeing my one-nighter guy again. I realize that I was spoiled by Cutie. I know I’m not the only person in a FWB relationship who has great sex with her partner as well as loving moments and a caring relationship. Our comfort with one another, acceptance of each other’s kinks, and the way in which we’re insanely turned on by each other made our relationship pretty special. He claimed that he has never performed with anyone else like he does with me and it’s safe to say that I feel 100% at ease with him and have no hang-ups whatsoever when I am with him. We have laughs and we talk, we joke, we can say “that hurts” or “do that harder”, and we have amazing sex that lasts for hours and nets up to 10 orgasms between us, with the majority often his, which is really fun for me. When he leaves he is exhausted and still horny and I am wired and still wanting more even though my sensitive body parts are screaming. The next day I’m sore in all the regular places as well as my neck, abs, ribs, and thighs! He’s usually pretty tired the following day, not to mention completely satiated.
Relationship-wise, he’s just not into me. He needs the spark, chemistry, the shit that’s not important but that people feel signals something “more”. The high of a new relationship. Probably a few other things as well. That’s what he had with the other woman when he broke-up with me and that’s why it ended so fast. I look good on paper, we are friends (even when we’re not fucking), and we get each other. As he likes to say, we’re cut from the same sexual cloth. But, he just doesn’t feel that way about me. He is not the best on paper and being in a relationship with him would probably not work or at the very least would not be easy. I know I talk about that all the time without being telling, but trust me, there are things about him that make him a bad relationship choice, and I know that deep down. Through our friend phase I’ve also realized how much I just like him as a person, even if sex is not involved. He is a sensitive soul who is always trying to do the right thing and he struggles every day.
I’m sure my readers will not be surprised when I tell you that I saw Cutie yesterday. It was an impromptu meeting. Last time we talked he was getting right with himself and doing better and better every day. He was not so much upset by the break-up as he was with himself for jumping into a relationship he knows he never should have been in in the first place and was embarrassed by his bad decision-making. He was spending more time beating himself up than he was mourning the loss of this woman he’d been with for just over two months. I think it was also difficult because he ended up ending things with her not because he didn’t have feelings for her but because he knew they could not make a go of it and that she was no good for him.
On the way back from a family outing in the woods, he contacted me as soon as he regained cell service and it quickly steered toward him dropping by on his way home. I asked him if he was sure he was ready and he said he was after speaking to a mentor on Friday and had the weekend away thinking. Though my itch was scratched on Saturday night, as you know scratching at an itch just makes it worse. I’m happy to say that the itch did not turn into an infection. I would tell you all of the ways in which we fucked for many hours, but really, it was no different than usual just with more laughs and smiles as we were very happy to see each other and be back in each other’s arms and there was no sadness or feelings of longing by me. He left after three hours and we proceeded to text for the rest of the night about how amazing it was and some future plans or things to try the next time.
As of right now, I feel great and am happy to have seen him. Will this last? I’m not sure. I guess it depends on whether or not I start thinking with my heart again, which could happen. My head knows where this is, what it is, and what it will always be, but my heart sometimes wants more despite it not being possible as well as being a bad idea anyway. Did I mention the sex?