The boys

As I mentioned yesterday, in a turn of events I heard from both my Original FWB and Cutie within two days of each other and with the same information. No surprise there. But, being that I was in a great state, hanging out with friends, out of town, and focusing on me, myself, and I, I handled it all very well and write this feeling no angst whatsoever.

First, my Original FWB texted me to let me know that he and the dysfunctional doctor had broken up. The bottom line was that he looked good on paper but she didn’t feel the chemistry while he felt the chemistry but she looked terrible on paper (except for the doctor part). I mentioned some of her many issues here and here. He seemed genuinely upset by it and I tried to comfort him. I did not suggest a get-together. In the end, he decided to take off on a road trip to regroup and relax. He’s kept in touch to tell me what he’s up to, but there is no talk of sex or dating. I’m OK with that. I don’t know how I would handle either one of these options (actually, I would not do the FWB thing with him, I know that for certain) at the moment but I think we’re both mature enough to know that now is not the time to bring it up with him fresh out of a relationship. He is also aware enough to know that he needs to think this one through and figure out why he went for someone as broken as her and how to avoid it in the future.  

The night after my Orginal FWB told me about his break-up I heard from Cutie. It was a simple text to let me know that he’s back from Europe. I welcomed him home and asked how it went. He said it was great with exception of the company. I asked if he went with his girlfriend and he said he had and they broke-up the day after their return. Again, I was the shoulder to cry on though Cutie is a little more reserved in talking about personal things when it involves someone else so it was mostly introspective stuff even though I caught the gist of what went wrong. The next day he asked if I would be interested in meeting this week.

I knew what he meant but he was being aloof about it enough to make me wonder. He’s never one to mince words with me. I assumed he was feeling things out to see where I stood. Knowing him so well, I sensed some reservation. I didn’t want to get mad or be annoyed, but I did want to talk it out. I waited so I wouldn’t react and finally answered, “What would you like to meet about?” which I knew would spark a conversation as well as allow me to understand what was going on. Hard to explain, but we have a thing where we really get each other.

The next morning he sent me a dozen texts to explain that he shouldn’t have presumed that I wanted to rekindle a sexual relationship. He also admitted that he was wanting to see me in order to avoid his emotions with his recent break-up (rebound) and that he needed to get past that before seeing me, so that he was being fair to both of us. He needed to deal with things appropriately on his end by just feeling the pain, the loneliness, the disappointment of things rather than drowning them with sex.

I was driving and couldn’t text back so when I was able I asked if he wanted to talk about it. He said he did and we scheduled a call for later that evening. We ended up talking for an hour-and-a-half about what happened. When he dumped me I wasn’t sure if there was really a girlfriend because things didn’t add up, but in the back of my mind I thought that it could have been one of those situations where you meet someone, fall in love, and basically fuck-off everything else in your life and fast-forward into a train wreck. I didn’t think Cutie would do that because he has a handle on these things, but I guess even those of us who are very aware of our downfalls and emotions are blinded by “love” (as in extreme chemistry with an inappropriate person to the point of wearing blinders). So, he broke-up with her because he eventually saw why things wouldn’t work. High highs, low lows. No sex (a strange coinsidence with my Original FWB). Major baggage and dysfunctional issues. He misses what could have been, the companionship, the high of it all, and he feels embarrassed to have gotten started with her in the first place because there were so many warning signs. But, apparently the attraction was there so he went for it.

See kids, this is why we don’t jump at the first sign of “instant chemistry” and attraction and ignore things like debilitating diseases, anger management issues, drug and alcohol dependency, past abuse leading to fear of physical intimacy, and hoarding problems. No matter how cute they are, a broken person is still a broken person. Attraction does not fix it!

Anyway, I ended the conversation by telling him that I am open to reinstating our FWB relationship, but only under the right circumstances. I want him to see me because he wants to not because he’s using me/sex to mask other feelings. I want us both to part feeling happy, satisfied, and right. It needs to be a positive experience all around, before, during, and after. I realize I need to feel this way as well. So, while he’s getting over his break-up and righting himself, I need to consider whether or not I can do this with him again. I still have feelings for him but they are not as strong as they were (perhaps because he’s single and available to me?). Having sex with him may change this, I don’t know. I do enjoy sex with him (very much — no, make that VERY, VERY much!) and I enjoy spending time with him and I adore him as a friend.

Meanwhile, I’m doing my own thing, am busy as hell, and moving on. I decided to meet the guy who texted me yesterday and see if there’s anything there. That will most likely be my very last internet date. Well, never say never, but I’m still convinced that internet dating is pretty much bullshit. It is a great way to find sex though. I can certainly attest to that.

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3 thoughts on “The boys

  1. “Anyway, I ended the conversation by telling him that I am open to reinstating our FWB relationship, but only under the right circumstances. I want him to see me because he wants to not because he’s using me/sex to mask other feelings. I want us both to part feeling happy, satisfied, and right. It needs to be a positive experience all around, before, during, and after. I realize I need to feel this way as well. So, while he’s getting over his break-up and righting himself, I need to consider whether or not I can do this with him again. I still have feelings for him but they are not as strong as they were (perhaps because he’s single and available to me?)”

    That doesn’t sound like a FWB thing though, does it? It sounds like a relationship, or something that you want to become a relationship…

    Given your history with this guy I’d be wary about trying to re-start a FWB thing with him – it seems like there is too much in the past, and your feelings are too strong for him – for it ever to be just a simple sexual relationship with some friendship basis.

    I don’t want to read about you being hurt by him again and fear this will happen if you go back down this path. Great sex can be found elsewhere, with someone new and different, I’m sure!

  2. It may not sound like a FWB relationship but it’s the relationship we had before. Certainly not a relationship. And yes, of course I need to think things through first. It may not be a good idea. But, I will consider it and when/if he says he’s ready I will make a decision.

  3. Pingback: Overwhelmed while underwhelmed | 36 and Single

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