I have probably said it before, but I don’t think internet dating is for me. I think I’m too average looking and I think I am too difficult for people to get to know. My closest friends tell me that it took time for them to really feel like they knew me and that the longer they knew me the more likeable I became. Ex-boyfriends have told me this as well. No one can read me. I’m indifferent, detached, and not a person that stands out in a crowd. I don’t think I make a great first impression, besides in business. I’m smart and personable when it comes to business and older men are often charmed by me. Perhaps it’s my confidence and I’m lacking that same confidence in personal relationships.
In school (I changed schools a lot through the years) and in the various businesses I have worked in, it’s always taken me a year to get in with the “in crowd”. That’s never been my goal but always in a year I’m suddenly popular (school) or suddenly well-liked and invited to social events (work). It always happens this way. Always, as far back as I can remember and we are talking grade school here.
It’s definitely not a deal where I’m so good looking that I’m unapproachable. I know that I am not ugly but I’m not a particularly pretty girl. I don’t have a great body, either. I don’t have big boobs or long slender legs. I’m just there, one of many. I do know that I’m smart, I can be funny, and I’m a good conversationalist. People like to talk to me. I’m easy to get along with. But I don’t think I make much of an impression otherwise.
I guess I thought that the fact that I don’t have kids or crazy exes would make me a commodity. I don’t smoke or have 15 cats and my baggage is very minimal. I have a good job and am not a gold-digger. I’m certainly not a flake. While I’m not hot or beautiful, I don’t have anything wrong with me or anything that stands out. I’m healthy and well-rounded. I think I’m a good catch — I thought I was, anyway.
The thing I hate about internet dating is that one-hour window where you’re supposed to get to know someone well enough to determine if you want to date them. It takes time for someone to like me. It’s rarely an immediate thing. And I’m not hot enough for someone to keep seeing me even though they aren’t sure they like me. Basically, if they don’t feel fireworks within five minutes they are moving onto the next girl.I get it. I don’t come across as someone special in personality or looks so it’s best to just keep looking until you find someone who knocks your socks off. There are seemingly a million “mes” online, especially when you don’t take the opportunity to get to know us. It is de-humanizing, really, and with my personality it doesn’t seem to work too well.
It’s not clear what the answer is. Stop online dating? Just deal with the rejection and hope for the best? Try to develop some aspects of my personality so that I am not so difficult to get to know and like? I’m not sure what to do and it’s all very confusing to me because I can’t see myself from the outside. I know how I feel but I can’t gauge it from someone else’s standpoint.
With my issues and my complete and utter lack of happiness when I’m in a relationship, I often wonder if I’m one of those people who is meant to be alone. I have no problems finding sex and passionate love affairs. Maybe when the stakes aren’t so high, I let down my guard and become the person that my friends know and love? Maybe when someone is “forced” to spend time with me (co-workers, lovers, schoolmates) they discover my personality but if they had their “choice” they would not spend the time with me?
How else does one meet potential mates these days?