Just being me

I’m tired of trying to be this, that, or the other thing when it comes to dating. I know I need to be more open, smile more, make an effort to be a warmer person, but only because I want to have those traits. I’m tired of stepping so far outside of the box when it comes to online dating that I end up wasting time with men I don’t want and knew I didn’t want from the start. There are things I loathe or simply am turned off by and I’m not going to put up with them for the sake of having a relationship.

At a get-together this afternoon I saw a coworker that I hadn’t seen in about two years. He told me today that I was glowing. And, really, I am. I’m happy! Since I decided I wanted a relationship, I have not been as happy, but that’s not because I’m unhappily single, it’s because I decided I wanted one and I don’t have one yet. And that’s not how things usually work for me. Since I decided to focus less on dating and more on me, things have begun to balance out again and I’m feeling more like myself.

I know that if I do this online dating thing like a job, if I date outside of my preferences, and if I keep an open mind, I will find a relationship. Eventually. But at what cost? If I put all my efforts into online dating and the many wasted hours of driving to and from dates, and deal with the daily rejection and disappointment, will that make me a person I don’t want to date? There is a possibility that I could do all that I end up with someone I’m merely settling for because I liked him well enough and he wanted a commitment. All this, when I’m actually quite happy single? It doesn’t make any sense. I am not merely looking for a relationship the way in which a person looks for an item of clothing, I’m looking for a relationship with the right guy.

My job is go after projects. There are often several available at one time. As a team we decide whether or not to pursue based on qualifications as well as available resources. Especially during lean times, some people on the team want us to throw ourselves at every available project. To them it’s a numbers game and eventually someone will bite, and who cares if it’s the right project just a long as money is coming in. The problem is when we do that we take valuable resources away from the better pursuits and the better projects. We end up spreading ourselves too thin and we get burnt out. People aren’t happy with the projects we win that we didn’t really want and they have no passion for them, so those projects are usually mediocre at best. Meanwhile, we don’t have enough people and/or time to work on those projects we win that we really did want and the result there ends up being mediocre as well. My thought is that if we position ourselves to go after the projects we want, focus on those, and win them, we will work less, make more money, and be happier in the long run. It’s a better strategy and one I am going to adopt for dating, too.

I’m in no hurry to have a relationship. I want my next relationship to be right, not perfect and not with the perfect guy, but something that I’m truly happy with. I don’t want to make certain sacrifices because if I do I know I will not be happy. The sacrifices I don’t want to make will mean fewer dates and that is probably for the best. Up until now I have casted a wide net, but I’ve narrowed things down quite a bit. I’m looking for quality over quantity and I figure that if I’m happy single what is the point of being unhappy and in a relationship?

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2 thoughts on “Just being me

  1. A friend of mine said “Listen, we all date assholes till we meet the right one.” At the time I thought it was a harsh statement, but he’s right. Not that the people I date are assholes; because who we choose to date is a reflection of who we are and what we think we want. While dating, we are really testing out the combination of qualities, characteristics, and life desires we are looking for. We discover the things that we thought we wanted might not be what we need.

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