Never a dull moment around here

It’s been a somewhat eventful day today.

This morning I texted Cutie because it’s an important day for him and I happened to remember. OK, the truth is, I’ve thought about it every day and couldn’t wait to wish him well because I care for him and seeing his smile in my head makes me feel warm and happy. I heard back from him right away. He is traveling in Europe and having a great time. I don’t know if he is alone or with some friends . . . or a woman. But it tore at me a little a lot anyway. I miss him so much I can hardly stand it sometimes.

Ironically a couple hours later my Original FWB texted me. Long story short, he has feelings for me and always did but he knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship so he did not act on those feelings. He’s in a new relationship right now with a woman who has so many things wrong that I just don’t know where to start (I mentioned it here). Apparently she started out normal but by the time he knew everything, he was already into her. He said that timing is everything in relationships, and that he was ready when I was not, so now he’s with her. And, if things don’t work out with her, he wants to be with me. You can imagine how that felt to me (like a second-place ribbon and right behind a mental/dirty/sick person, too!) especially since I’m feeling a little sensitive (as in pissy) around dating/men at the moment. I gathered my wits and said that I wasn’t into the FWB thing at the moment and if he was thinking of something else, I am not keen on being runner-up. He said that he knows where I am, what I want, and he respects it and again, it was about timing, not a preference.

My Original FWB is not exactly great with words and the way he said it was certainly insensitive but I can’t fault him for being honest. Regardless, I felt uncomfortable with the conversation because I didn’t think it was right to be having it while he’s in a relationship. I told him that it was important to me for us to remain friends and that having conversations he would not share with his girlfriend made me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t want to be that woman and I know he’s not that guy. I told him that if he wants something beyond friendship, that is a conversation we need to have when he is single. I said he’s going through a tough time and he needs to figure it out. He agreed and apologized. We’ll see what happens next . . . I haven’t really thought about a relationship with him. At one time I thought I had feelings for him (nothing like how I feel about Cutie) and if we were never FWBs I totally would have dated him. I’d have to see the dating him to determine if he were relationship material though. Unlike Cutie and unlike me, my Original FWB has a mode and like me, he can be really indifferent at times.

I have the feeling this will die and he’s simply looking for some things he’s not getting from her, from me. Not necessarily sex. I know he wouldn’t do that and he knows I wouldn’t, either. Possibly just the easy relationship we had, the lack of issues, and the man/woman interaction that he does not have with her. I can’t feel bad for him, he made his bed and now he must lay in it. It is probably not easy but he is a smart man and he will figure it out. I’d like to think that he is realizing that I was a great woman and he really wishes that things were different, that we’d met under different circumstances, and different timing. But I always err on the side of caution and I assume he was never that into me and now the grass is simply greener on the other side.

I also decided to move beyond my comfort zone of dating types and reply to an email from a man that I didn’t feel much attraction to (he’s not ugly or anything, just not particularly attractive to me). But, he seems really nice, smart, thoughtful, and kind. He doesn’t have kids, he likes dogs, he lives close, and he’s active. I’m open to becoming attracted to someone over time and I know that what I’m looking for has more to do with kindness and honesty than hotness. Plus, if I’m a seven and he’s a five he’s probably going to think I’m hot stuff, and that’s always a plus versus being with a hot guy that women are always fawning over and he can take his pick from when my tits end up at my knees!

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10 thoughts on “Never a dull moment around here

  1. You know I can relate to some of this and like that you responded to someone not quite your “type”. With respect to looks Blue Eyes is not my type, he’s not ugly, just not what I normally go for. I think that’s what fucked with my mind and made me string him along. I was waiting for “my type” to appear. My hope for you is that you do find someone kind, thoughtful and honest because you’re right, that’s what’s important. Shamefully (but not too guiltily) I also agree with you in that I think I’m at least a 7, and he DOES think I’m hot stuff. :). It works. I wish you luck, always.

  2. Kind, thoughtful, honest and generous are all good traits, but honey they don’t really mean a thing if attraction, chemistry and passion are not there. Yes, you can become attracted to someone over time, but eventually, you will feel a void. You need to have passion between you and whomever you end up with. I wish you luck!

    Also, I wanted to let you know that I really like your blog and I have nominated you for the sunshine award. For more details click here: http://dancewithwords.wordpress.com/2012/06/05/127/

    • I totally get what you’re saying. But, as I’ve grown and discovered what is important, I honestly think that stuff can grow and develop. I’ve become attracted to men at work that I would never have responded to from a photo online. And, I think there is all kinds of chemistry. There is the kind that makes you all hot and bothered and the kind where you feel safe and loved. If you’re lucky you feel some of both most of the time with one person. You will feel a void in any relationship because not everyone does it for you 100% of the time and that chemistry can wane or in some cases, once the honeymoon is over, disappear all together.

      Thanks for the award nom! I will check it out.

      • I agree with this 100%. That stuff can grow and develop and be just as hot and passionate as it would have been with someone that made you hot before they spoke a word. The plus being when the cyclical “void” comes, that I also agree happens in every relationship, you are still left with someone kind, thoughtful, honest, madly in love with you and less likely to fill the void with someone else. Every hot guy is not a douche, I admit, but every not hot guy can be capable of evoking passion if you open your mind to it. And of course, this is only my opinion. 🙂

    • I agree about needing chemistry and all that, but from online interactions only you really can’t tell – so why not open the net to the kind of men that you meet as you could have real life chemistry and attraction with them if you only gave them a chance?
      I met my OH online. He is my height and I always went for 6ft+ guys but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt as we seemed to get on so well. And when we met – wowza – there was amazing chemistry and we are still together nearly 8 years later on. So I 100% approve on giving someone different a chance!

  3. I have someone similar to your Original FWB in my life. I totally agree with your take on the whole thing. It seems like it’s always when the chips are down while dating someone else that they show up claiming to want more. And yet, the fact that they stick with the other person says volumes.

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