I don’t feel bitter, but I do feel like I’m going through the motions at times. Each online guy is nothing and I feel nothing as we email, talk on the phone, or even when it’s time to meet. I think I am numb to it all. I do act happy and excited, I’m engaged, I reply to emails right away, and same goes for phone calls. It’s a lot of work. This must be what it’s like to have a job in customer service. I get tired of saying the same things over and over again. I want to hand them a one-page synopsis of my life, do a twirl so they’ll know if they like what they see in person, and then wait for the call. That would be so much easier.
When they don’t call when they say they will it doesn’t phase me. When I never hear from them again via email I kind-of tune it out. When they say they want to get together and never follow-up, I don’t care. Even when we meet and I don’t get asked out again, it doesn’t bother me. What does bother me though is this desensitization to other human beings. I wonder if it’s really healthy? I can’t be the only one, right?
In most instances I have no idea why these men do what they do and I haven’t put time into wondering much about it. The guy I saw on Saturday has texted me a few times to say hi but not to ask me out. I text him back immediately, am friendly and open, and . . . nothing. The over-thinker hasn’t called me again or asked me out, but he has texted me to say hello and ask how I am. Again, I give no indication that I am not interested. These are not long-term texting, getting to know you, conversations, by the way. I spoke with a guy on the phone on Sunday who asked me to go out for Tuesday and said he’d follow-up on Monday and I haven’t heard a thing. And, finally, I spoke on the phone with someone last week and had a nice conversation. He asked to call me again sometime and I said yes. A couple days later he emailed me to tell me that he was sorry he hadn’t called, but is still interested in getting to know me and asked if he could call within the next few days. I replied right away and said I’d like that. I didn’t hear anything. Then today he emailed again to say that he was really sorry and that he’d unintentionally dropped the ball over the past few days (then added a frowny face) and said he wished me luck in my search and to take care. My BFF, who is always assuming that someone is playing games and everyone is out to get you when it comes to dating, thought it was a nice way of saying he’s not interested. I think he was trying to create some drama. He was probably more interested in another woman (or two) and those fell through so he was getting back in touch and hoped I’d say, “That’s OK!”. No drama for me. I thanked him for the note and wished him well. Sorry, I’m not playing.