Since I wrote this post, I’ve been receiving tons of emails from decent guys. Match.com must be watching me . . .
I spoke to one on the phone Friday evening. We had a decent conversation but I feel like maybe he’s a thinker. He asked a lot of questions about my past relationships and was too analytical. It felt like an interview and I had the feeling he wanted to know everything about me, my past, etc. before meeting so he could decide whether or not to devote the time. That screams emotionally unavailable. Plus, there is only room for one over-thinker in a relationship with me! I have learned that I need someone who doesn’t over-think, someone who is positive, and someone who is less complex than I am. Because two of us together is a mess.
I met someone on Saturday who seems like a nice guy. I would go out with him again, but I have yet to receive a follow-up.
And, finally, I spoke on the phone with a man yesterday and we are planning on meeting this week. I’m on the fence about him, but I suppose we’ll just have to see how things go in person.
Also, since I wrote this post, I’ve been thinking a lot about waste. Wasting time, wasting life, wasting energy. I’ve been thinking a lot about the people I call my friends.
I had a big event yesterday. If you know me, you know about it. It was a big deal. I don’t expect my friends to put it in their calendar, to throw me a parade, to send me flowers, to stop their lives, to take a day off work . . . I just expect those who care about me and who are close enough to me to know about it to wish me luck. Or to get in touch to ask me about it afterward.
My best girlfriends and my co-workers remembered and wished me well. My mom, of course, did too. My sister did not nor did she ask me how it went but I know she heard it through our mother. My sister is the least thoughtful person I know and if it weren’t for the fact that we are related, I don’t believe we would be friends. All of the guys I’m talking to online wished me luck and/or asked me how it went. But that’s because they need my good graces to maybe get in my pants at some point. Sweet, but I don’t put a lot of stock into it.
I was thinking about my Original FWB, Cutie, and Runner. Men who I spent a lot of intimate time with recently and who acted like they cared. I cared for them whether or not we were fucking, and I guess I believed they cared too. While they are busy, we are all busy, and that excuse is bullshit anyway. If they were so busy that they couldn’t function as a friend, then they would not be the successful, educated men they are.
I’m not the most thoughtful person in the world. I don’t have the best memory. I’m not perfect. But when I know something is important to someone and we are close enough that I have their phone number or we are on Facebook together (I only have people on my Facebook that I really know and am friends with, not everyone I’ve ever come into contact with) I want to support them. It takes 30 seconds to send a text. 30 seconds to show someone you care. That’s it. And that 30 seconds means a lot.
With my Original FWB it’s always all about him and this time was no different. I sent him a text on Friday to wish him luck on an upcoming minor surgery and recieved a “thanks” in reply and something about how he’s looking forward to getting it done, etc. He’s not a friend and I know the next time I hear from him will be once he and his weirdo girlfriend are done and he’s sniffing around for sex. That’s not going to work for me.
Runner and I had been chatting via email just a little. I heard nothing from him either. I know he knew about it and I know I wasn’t the only one of his “friends” participating in the event. He also knew how important it was to me. He’s not a friend either. Really, he never was.
I was kind-of hoping Cutie wouldn’t remember because he’s the closest thing to “perfect for me” that I’ve ever come across and I kind-of wanted his lack of caring to bring his status down a few notches. On the other hand, it was nice to know that he really does care and it made me feel good inside and about our friendship. He not only sent me texts the day before the event, but also on the day of, both without my nudging.
I’ve decided that while people don’t have to be perfect to be my friend, I’m certainly not going to give our friendship an effort unless it’s matched. Shit happens, people go through stuff, and I definitely give my friends with children a handicap, but I’m tired of the excuses. I’m tired of the “I was too busy” bullshit, the friends only when they want benefits (sex or otherwise), and all the rest of the excuses people tend to give when they want to take but not give. I would rather have few friends than a bunch of shitty friends who take away my focus from the people who really matter.