Gotta have a thick skin for online dating!

It’s hard to keep a smile on your face when you’re doing the online dating thing.

I know it’s only been, what, two weeks? I’ve already experienced:

  • The cute guy who winks, you wink/email back, and never hear from him again.
  • The promising man who lives nearly two hours away, but you didn’t realize it until he actually asked you out.
  • The creepy/old/gross/unemployed-living-in-mom’s-basement men who email you every day and make you wonder if, because they are the majority of the men contacting you, that is really the league you are in.
  • The guy who emails you a lot but never asks you out.
  • The guy who calls you and you never hear from him again.
  • Don’t even get me started on all of the emails I send that are completely ignored.

All of this makes me wonder if I overestimate myself. I realize that photos don’t capture a person and that people who are attractive on the inside, radiate that onto the outside, but only in person. I’m trying to contact people who are on my level, so I try to email the average looking guys who are smart and have something going for them. Not necessarily the guys making six-figures, but who have some ambition. I also email the ones who I think are amazing looking. Sometimes those guys are pretty average in person. You just never know . . .

Half of the time I think I’m being intimidating and coming across perfect and asking for perfection. After all, I only list my attributes on my profile and I might have high expectations of human beings in general. I would list other things, but I don’t want to come across as negative or bitter, either. And, half of the time, I think that maybe I am just uglier than I realize. I email the short guys (I’m short, too, so it works!), I email the bald guys, I email the guys who don’t make a ton of money, I email the ones who are solid 5s, and I email the ones who have a bit of a belly while I work my ass off to look good.

I’m not trying to be negative, just saying that I’m frustrated and I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. Online dating is weird in that people overestimate themselves, they are always looking for something better, and they are seeking “chemistry” before ever meeting. I’ve noticed a lot of these men online from when I started out a year ago. That’s not to say that they haven’t been in relationships, ended those, and then started their subscription again. Many of these men are handsome, they say they are successful, and they seem smart. But they are also in their mid-40s, have kids at home, baggage, etc. I have a feeling they are looking for someone younger and thinner, but I’m not sure why a 30 year old with a great body would ever go for an aging 45 year old with kids.

All of this has bruised my ego a little, I’ll admit. Plus all of the things that have gone down most recently with the men I was involved in. It’s been a little lonely and strange as of late. But truthfully, I do need to be focusing on other things like work and myself. I think that dating Runner made me miss having a relationship and something more than a friendly fuck from time to time. Part of me hopes this want for a relationship will go away because frankly, it was easier when I was content without one and not wanting one at all!


4 thoughts on “Gotta have a thick skin for online dating!

  1. Ugh. I’ve been there. I think it’s best not to do online dating unless you’re feeling superconfident and don’t take anything very personally. Don’t even worry about the repulsive guys who message you. I think they message every woman in their area and it’s no reflection on your actual “market value.”

    Look, I’m an average-looking woman, and I found my husband on POF of all places; he’s a real gem. I did have to sort through the losers, the ones only looking for sex, and the ones who weren’t serious. I did end up going out with a lot of guys before I struck gold. It’s just a huge pain, but it IS an unprecedented opportunity to meet people you otherwise couldn’t. Hang in there and be good to yourself!

  2. Wow, that’s great! Gives me something positive to think about. I believe that even the superconfident and those who don’t take things personally still get some hard-knocks from online dating. It’s the nature of the beast.

  3. totally normal to feel that way but in the end, just get out there and not let the crazies disappoint you. met hubby on and had to go through a lot of bad dates first befre i ever met him. try creating a list of “favorites” first so you can streamline what you want. most sites allow you to save these “favorites”. feel free to let me know if you need any tips! :o)

  4. Pingback: Recent happenings | 36 and Single

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