The good, the bad, and the ugly

The Ugly

  • I think I did/do love Cutie.
  • I met someone from Match the day after Cutie dumped me. I thought it would cheer me up and I thought that getting right back on the horse would be a good idea. He had really bad teeth. I had a poor attitude. No wonder I haven’t heard from him.
  • I was so sad yesterday that I had to take the day off work.
  • I’ve completely lost my appetite. I’m choking down tuna from a can as I type this. I haven’t washed my hair in a few days because I don’t know if I can muster the energy to style it. Getting out of bed has been a chore.

The Bad

  • I can’t trust my own instincts and I don’t even know what the truth is anymore. 
  • I’ve put myself on the back burner for men. Skipping workouts, staying up too late, just to spend time with them. I’m falling back into old habits.
  • I’m starting feel negative and bitter again.
  • I feel bad about myself. I could be thinner, prettier, smarter, nicer . . .

The Good

  • Even if I loved and lost Cutie, I learned a lot from him and our relationship during our time together.
  • I’m recognizing my bad attitude and I’m trying to do something about it like pushing it aside or rescheduling dates until I might be feeling better. I’m fighting myself to not go back there.
  • I know I need to ride out the pain, learn from it, and be a better person because of it. It’s just a part of life, not the end of the world.
  • The path I’m traveling is confusing, difficult, and I’m often second-guessing myself. But it’s the right one.
  • I know that FWB situations are not in my best interest, not at this point in my life anyway.
  • Regardless of what’s going on in my life, I need to take care of myself. I need to be the best me that I can be for me, and if that’s not good enough for someone else, well, I did all I could and at that point, it’s not me, it’s him.
  • Some people see it in me, and some don’t. Just like I see it in some and not in others. It doesn’t mean they don’t like me. It doesn’t mean they don’t think I’m pretty, sexy, smart, or good enough. It doesn’t mean I did anything wrong. People chase it and in the process don’t see some important things. They also overlook things in people who have the it-thing they are looking for that should be taken into consideration when choosing a relationship. That’s life.
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5 thoughts on “The good, the bad, and the ugly

  1. Oh honey, don’t be sad and don’t worry. It may not seem this way now, but you are in the easy part. When you find your true match- that is when your problems really start.
    You will find your true love, you will one day won’t even remember what made you cry today and you will one day look back as this period as being one of the most most and exciting in your life.

      • Something else I think I explain: Right now your romantic future is unknown, the options open and seemingly unlimited. Once you do truly do pair up with some one for the long run, although you gain a best friend and partner, the door closes on those unlimited romantic chances. I don’t regret one man I have slept with– but I do regret saying no to a few. Because now I am married, my choices narrowed to one and infidelity seems like this huge bridge crossing to another side I have no interest in reaching.

  2. Fake it until it’s real. If you want to sit at home and not work out and not style your hair, then damnit, you better fake a smile, get your ass to the gym, and then get home and do your hair! You don’t need to go on dates to remind yourself of all the men out there who you don’t want to date, but MAKE yourself get out there and do the things that you know you like when you feel good about yourself. Feeling unattractive? It’ll be compounded by not going the gym and looking at your hair a mess in the mirror. So sad you need the day off work? Can’t be that sad. Nobody died the day before yesterday. Did anybody get diagnosed with cancer? Nope. Save those days of staying at home for when it’s legit. What did staying at home wallowing in sadness get you? Did you feel better at the end of the day? I’ve cried in elevators at work because I was so sad, but better to be crying in an elevator that alone at home.

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