A pattern

I’ve always been blown away by men who treat me like a princess. It doesn’t happen often as I’m no beauty queen. But when it happens, I am puddy in their hands. Flowers, expensive dinners, love letters, gifts, “proper” dates, and chivalry — and lots of it — seems to be the way to my heart. Yet, all of the men including my own father, who went this nuts over me ended up having some serious issues and being bad news.

My father was an emotionally abusive alcholic. He was controlling and manipulative to my mother. They divorced when I was young, so his behavior was never transferred onto me. A boyfriend who laid it on super thick was this way as well, minus the booze. Getting away from him was a challenge. The Ex was just as manipulative and emotionally abusive as both of these guys. Anyone who wasn’t strong in our relationship, who was just nice and healthy, I steamrolled and lost respect for.

I do not want to be attracted to these men, but I find it hard not to be. And, when I’m not given flowers or taken to the best place in town or being swept off my feet, I find myself disappointed. I have been expecting flowers from Runner all week because of what went down between us because that’s what men would have done in the past. Screwed up and then manipulated me into forgiving them instead of talking it out. And if I didn’t forgive them, they would remind me of all of the nice things they had done for me and tell me I was being selfish. Then, they would stop talking to me, I’d feel guilty, and end up apologizing to them. How fucked up is that?

In turning a new leaf — being warmer and looking for a healthy relationship — I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my patterns and how I can end them. I’ve been paying attention to potential matches on the online dating sites and going more for the nice guys versus the manly men with extra doses of testosterone. So, the men I’m contacting are a little different than what I’m used to. The only thing I still can’t get over though are the prison pussies!

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4 thoughts on “A pattern

  1. I am so happy to read that you are adjusting the types of men you are looking for. All the goodies that men can give you will never fulfill you in the place that needs filling. It’s the warm love of a man that cherishes you that will bring you long-term happiness. :) I met my hubby online, so I wish you much luck!

  2. What a good idea to evaluate your relationship behavior patterns so you won’t keep repeating the same mistakes.

  3. The thing about all that wooing and money being spent is that it’s usually empty of meaning. Or it’s an attempt to over compensate for other, more important weaknesses. And as you noted above, the guy who gives a lot of material things and plays up the feel good compliments is often the same one who will use all that as a guilt hook. Which is pretty sick if you ask me. Best of luck breaking these patterns. I do think you’re on the right track.

  4. This is good. My “nice guy” is totally not “my type” but he is a nice, good guy and you know I am struggling with that (and other issues). You’re clearly on the right track. Good luck!

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