Believe me, you should believe the negative

So as not to end up back in that bitter/angry/resentful/unhappy place when it comes to dating, I’m trying really hard to see my dating disappointments as a learning experience rather than a bad experience or a reason to stop dating and/or hate men.

I read somewhere that when you’re dating you should ignore the positives and believe the negatives. Easier said than done, I know. Especially when they say the right things and do the right things the vast majority of the time.

Runner did all the right things: we had several dates, he was a perfect gentleman, he was sweet, he was on-time and never flaked out, he made me laugh, he called when he said he would, we had fun together, he never bull-shitted me (lied), and he said he liked me. I wasn’t giddy or overly-excited and I didn’t believe we were boyfriend/girlfriend, but I did think things seemed to be going well between us.  

What I didn’t hear/listen to/whatever was when he said things such as, “I’m figuring things out.”, “I’m in my selfish phase right now.”, “I dated a woman recently who ended things because I was dating other women and it was too hard for her.” and “I listed an interest in short-term relationships instead of long-term relationships because I don’t know what my future holds.” When he said those things I should’ve either proceeded with caution and said that if we were to have sex, we’d need to be exclusive or working toward exclusivity (he wouldn’t have lied to get in my pants, I’m pretty sure); ended it because we weren’t looking for the same things; or came out and said I was looking for a relationship and let him end it that way. Instead, I decided to play it cool and let him take the lead. But I should’ve also noted that he blew a little hot and cold and he didn’t make dates too far ahead of time. 

I don’t know why this happened and it’s not that I don’t care and don’t wish to hear it from the horse’s mouth, but I’ll never know the truth so it doesn’t matter anyway. There’s no point in wasting much time over it. The only thing I can do is chalk it up to a learning experience.

Next!!!

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3 thoughts on “Believe me, you should believe the negative

  1. I really think it’s more about balancing the positives and negatives. If all you do is look out for the negatives, it’s no better than ignoring them completely.

  2. Pingback: They mean well | 36 and Single

  3. Yes, thats quite a mistake. Which, I only learned now at 36…pheew 😦 but better late than never. We perhaps get so carried away with the positives…like the frequent dates, the long hours spent talking, dinner being arranged & cooked by the man, movies, beaches…& u’re best in bed comment that we overlook the insidious fact of them either being a commitment-phobic Or looking for variety sorts!. We make ourselves believe the like to be love. Mistake…mistake …mistake. The day you become the docile yet independent, sexy yet loyal, adventurous yet free spirited self….they start looking.

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