I wrote this post in August, when I was kinda fat. Now, eight months later, I’m not fat. And, things are different. I’ve been down this road before and the findings are similar. However, this is my first foray into online dating both heavy and not heavy.
When I was heavy I really did not have any body shots in my profile. It was clear that I wasn’t obese, but not clear that I wasn’t at least chunky. I didn’t receive a ton of replies and I went out with pretty much anyone who seemed nice. I probably went out with people I didn’t want to go out with at all because when you’re fat, you’ll take what you can get, right? As you know, those dates never turned into anything more. Then I left the online dating scene. I believe I started my profile as “curvy” and ended with “average” even though I probably should’ve been “a few extra lbs”.
I consider myself “average” now, not “thin” or “slender”. But, I’m also very strong and athletic. I left my profile on “average” but all my photos are new, including a full body photo. I hadn’t received too many responses, but they have all been higher caliber men than my last try. Recently, because I asked a few trusted people and they all gave me the same answer, I changed my profile from “average” to “athletic” only because, well, I am. I’m not average sized with fat and bones, I have quite a bit of muscle that can be felt and seen. And, wouldn’t you know, my profile views have jumped by a staggering number as have my responses, even though I did not change my photos or my profile. I’m still batting about 50/50 as far as decent and icky guys (and the decent guys are not necessarily men I would date, either). It’s not like I’ve solved some mystery here, I realize that, but in case anyone was ever wondering, size does matter (har, har, har).
Personally, I don’t want to date a man who is not in decent shape. Why? Because I don’t want to fall into old habits with someone, for one. I will admit, when I see someone overweight, I see someone generally unhappy. Maybe sad, depressed or stressed out, but most importantly, he’s not taking care of himself for one reason or another and self-care is so important. I’ve been there and so have many of my friends and family members. I don’t know know one truly happy overweight person. I don’t want to have that in my life. I’m not attracted to fat men, no, but more than that, I’m thinking about the kind of person I want to spend my time with. It’s more about values and lifestyle than anything else. I’m not talking about a guy with a little extra in the middle due to a slowed metabolism here, either. I’ve got the same issue, afterall. That is perfectly acceptable as long as he is someone who cares for his body and spends some time maintaining it as well as spending time nourishing his body with the right foods and exercising for his mental health. People who feel good look good and vice versa. I want someone happy and healthy in my life.
But, do you want to know what the hard part is about online dating when you’re not heavy? It’s the part where someone doesn’t email you back or they look at your profile and never email you at all. When you’re fat you can blame it on your weight. When you’re not fat, you have to come to the realization that he either thought you were unattractive or didn’t care for your personality in your profile. It’s easy to lose weight, but changing your face and your personality is a little harder and rejection for that is more difficult to swallow.