I’m not nervous about seeing Cutie tonight. I think we’ll just talk and we’ll see what comes of it. I don’t know what I’ll say or what he’ll say. I’m going to try to be honest, as much as I can be, because frankly I don’t really know what that sounds like. Another run last night, and I sort-of tried to clear my head. What I want doesn’t make much sense. I can hardly explain it let alone figure it out in my own mind. I tried to explain it to my BFF and she was confused. That’s why I’m inclined to just let things ride.
Runner and I have dinner scheduled for tomorrow after work. At a restaurant, not at his home. So, no sex. That’s good. Especially because I’m having sex with Cutie tonight. Also, he takes off to Asia on Saturday for work for a week. I think I am being hard to read and indifferent or aloof, which I am often accused of. My issue with Runner is that I’m not not comfortable being me yet, so he probably feels like I’m not interested. Cutie is the only man I’ve not had this problem with. Weird.
About Runner, because I know I haven’t talked about the details. He is in his early-40s, newly divorced, has a kid, great job, super smart and educated, athletic (very), attractive and in great shape, he’s not metro but . . . — maybe his style is better explained as urban, he’s funny and a good conversationalist, probably a good catch. The red flag that I am aware of is that he is very newly divorced. I guess it also appeals to me because that means that we’re both not ready for a relationship at the moment. He’s been dating awhile and it sounds like he’s already rebounded (whew!). It seems he is not afraid of commitment. I think his challenge right now is the newness of being a single dad.
So, I’m off for an evening of debauchery and who knows what else!