Yesterday morning I received a text from the guy I met for coffee a couple weeks ago telling me that it was his first free day in a long time and wanted to take me to dinner. I was supposed to meet with a potential FWB but decided to move that date (he was fine with it) and see this guy, who I will call Runner for what should be obvious reasons. We met for a late dinner at a nice, trendy, expensive restaurant. He’s funny, kind, smart, and athletic. He’s successful (very) and cultured. I felt comfortable with him in some ways, and uncomfortable in many ways. And, it wasn’t him. It was me.
We closed the place down and he walked me to my car. We awkwardly chatted and then hugged good-bye. He sent me a sweet text when he got home. And today asked me to see a movie with him this evening. My initial response was to be unavailable but in an effort to be authentic and not play games, since I don’t have plans, I said yes.
This real dating stuff is a lot harder than the FWB thing. I can’t hide behind my sexuality. I can’t pretend to be someone else. I care about what he thinks because it’s not like if there’s something he doesn’t like, he’s going to just blow it off and think, “Who cares, she’s just a piece of ass.” I feel like I have to watch what I say. I don’t want to be rejected.