Sundays, men, and lonliness

I decided to extend my “me time” this weekend and pretty much hang out alone today. I’ve been feeling a little solitary as of late. I don’t know why. Things have been shifting. My best friend has pretty much dumped me for her new boyfriend. The men in my life are not fulfilling to me as of late with their busy work schedules and being out of town. My job is . . . eh. I’ve been tired.

But, I’ve also been trying to spend time with different people and wanting something different in my life. I’m trying to branch out and find people more like me. Though I grew up here and went to college here, I moved away for many, many years, and I changed a lot. Not only am I a different person, but unlike most people my age, I do not have a husband or children. And I’m not a party girl. Even my BFF and I find ourselves at a crossroads as she and I seem to be going in different directions and have different priorities, goals, and hobbies. I’m having a hard time finding my place, I guess.

Being lonely is part of life, part of being an adult, and it’s going to happen to all of us at one time or another. I’ve learned that it can happen in and out of a relationship. Some of my lonliest days were spent in relationships. I guess I just have to get used to it, and perhaps use it to my advantage, somehow.

I write all of this after spending the day with my best friend yesterday (which was awkward, by the way), spending the day with a guy — the one I met last Sunday who I wasn’t sure about (also awkward — so obviously I’m sure I’m not interested now), and receiving several texts from friends, family, and men. For some reason I’m just not satisfied by this. Why? I don’t know. I think I miss a deeper connection, like the one I had with my BFF. There are very few people in my life who I can be 100% myself with and not feel judged.

Mr. Annoying texted me again this evening around 6:30. He wrote, “Come over.” He’s not this super sexy, charming guy, and we have no history as of yet. We dont have a thing. Frankly, it’s rude, and weird. I finally told him how I felt. He said, “Wow, never mind.” So, I think he’s gone and that’s a good thing, He was really rubbing me the wrong way.

So, what’s the point of this post? Just a rambling, I suppose. A strange weekend.


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