The blues

This time of year is always pretty sucky for me. I’m happy, but just tired. And kinda “bored”. I’m busy, but still bored, maybe just blah. And then I get all introspective and shit and am too much in my own head.

Also, my BFF is still dating this guy, who is not a good guy. So, not only have I been replaced for the most part, I can’t even really be happy for her because the guy is a loser and whenever I do talk to her she spends the whole time unhappy about her relationship with him, worrying about what he’s doing, and talking about how much she can’t trust him. Etc., etc., etc. I can tell her that he has shown her who he is but she chooses not to believe it until I’m blue in the face, but unfortunately, she has to be the one to see it and deal with it. I don’t do well keeping my mouth shut, especially when it’s so obvious that the guy is an SOB, so when she does call I’ve been trying to keep my mouth shut, which basically means saying, “OK, gotta go!” It’s hard to watch your best friend putting herself through crap. I guess she watched me do it, too. I’ve really got to learn to keep my opinion to myself, listen without giving unsolicted advice, and just be supportive and there when she needs me. But it’s sooooo hard!

And, I know I shouldn’t be complaining about not getting laid because it’s been pretty regular as of late. But, I guess I just need more. I end up with these guys who, like me, have full lives with work, hobbies, friends, and family, and unfortunately our free time does not always mesh. I guess that means I need to add more men to my “stable”. So, I’ve been looking, and having little to no luck. I’m also keeping my eyes open for a potential, future (when I feel comfortable) threesome with Cutie.

One of the issues is flakes. I don’t have time for flakes. The other issue is finding someone who is able to respect a woman who is open sexually, and not treat her like a walking vagina. A lot of men see in black and white: pure and sweet, i.e., a real lady who deserves respect (but only does it missionary and only during a full moon) or, basically, a dirty whore. I like men who value us “dirty whores”. They are a lot of fun.

I met someone yesterday who was a nice guy and all, but I’m not attracted. It’s that simple. Tonight I’m busy. Tomorrow night I’m meeting another guy. He’s more my type than yesterday’s guy, but an in-person meeting will tell me everything I need to know. I have a few others I am communicating with, but no one I am thrilled about at this stage in the game.

Cutie’s only free night this week was a night that I’m not available. I don’t know when I’ll see him again. Even though I’m all for non-monogamy, I’m wondering how it works time-wise? Do you have a number one, two, three, etc.? Do you decide based on who asked first? Or does everyone offer something different so you decide based on what you’re in the mood for? And, what if you are super busy but you’re in a relationship (non-monogamous). How do you make sure you’re spending time with your partner while also spending time with others?

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