I am no virgin when it comes to the sex thing. I spent my 20s as quite the free-spirit. I’ve gone home with a guy after doing shots at the Excalibur in Chicago, spent a few hours with my married lover at the St. Marks in the East Village, and was flown to London for a week of debauchery with an older man I barely knew.
Since then, I’ve grown up a lot. There are things I have done that I would never do now. And, I have learned a lot from my experiences, not only about myself but about men in general. I don’t know everything and I have made some huge mistakes. But, my mistakes weren’t for lack of knowledge, I just didn’t listen to myself or want to believe what I already knew.
So, I was not surprised by my experience on AFF, with exception of the fact that the quality of men is higher than other personals sites. I don’t have a face photo on my ad, just my body and a write-up. Some women have less information. For instance, a photo of cleavage, or in some cases, no photo. Yet, they still receive dozens of emails, expecially at the “new meat” stage.
A friend of mine posted her profile a couple of weeks ago and was surprised when she received several emails and notices of interest from a rather vague photo and a body type of “ample”. Some of the men were yucky, but like me, she noticed that overall, the men were better looking than on sites such as Match.com. After a couple of weeks on the site, she told me that it really opened her eyes. I asked her how so?, and she said she thought men were interested in her because they thought she was pretty or funny (and she is both), but now that she’s on a sex site, and her profile doesn’t have a face or a personality, she realizes they are interested in her because she has a vagina. And, like me, she’s received several emails from men who are also on Match.com as well as at least two emails from men she knows personally who have never asked her out.
I don’t seek validation from outside sources. Sure, it feels good to be wanted, but not when it’s only because of your genitalia. Half of the population has a vagina, so I know I’m nothing special. Sure, there are men who wouldn’t have sex with a big girl or someone who wasn’t all that great looking, but put them in the same room when he’s horny and if she’s willing and there are no other open vaginas in the room at the time, chances are he’ll fuck her. He might not come back for more, but then again, he might after a few beers and no luck elsewhere.
And yeah, my FWBs might treat me with more respect than they would someone big or unattractive, or someone with a doormat attitude, but I’m not of the impression that they wish they could have a relationship with me. Some will, some have, but most won’t and haven’t. Personally, I wouldn’t fuck someone I wouldn’t date, but I’m a woman, and I think it’s safe to say that most of us think in this way. We have higher standards and we have more options.
When I see my AFF in-box full of emails, I don’t feel wanted or needed, and I know I’m not the only one. I’m not all, “OMG, I am so hot!” That guy has emailed probably a dozen women over the past hour and is just hoping that someone, anyone, will bite. We are fat, thin, big-boobed, flat-chested, tall, short, young, old, ugly, pretty, smart, and stupid. The only thing we have in common are our vaginas and a willingness to let someone fuck us without the tradition of dating and all of the bullshit that comes with those expectations.
Sure, there are guys who find a woman and really want that particular one, so he’ll put extra effort into the email, but it won’t stop him from emailing everyone else. My friend and I compare the messages we receive from the same men and have seen a few cut-and-pastes. Because her photos are not as clear and her profile is not as in-depth, and probably because she is “ample” and I am not, we also receive emails from the same men but while hers are about a sentence, the ones to me are several paragraphs and quite thoughtful. Bottom line though, is that they’d fuck us both, and pretty much anyone else, so in the end, it doesn’t matter, does it?