Unfortunately, I’m not a whore

In a period of five years, I’ve been with two men.  One was my long-term boyfriend and the other is my long-term FWB who I’ve been seeing since May of this year.  I’ve been on a lot of dates and I’ve kissed one other guy.  That’s it.   

I don’t sleep with anyone on the first date, regardless of how we met.  I think that when you sleep with someone on the first date, it’s about opportunity, not chemistry, relationships, friendships, respect.  You’re there, you have a vagina, there are usually alcoholic drinks involved, so why the hell not?  I think this situation results in, well, nothing good outside of the act of fucking. 

In my experience, it makes all the difference in the world when you wait, even if you plan on getting together the next day.  That way, you can make the right decision for you, rather than a decision based on the moment, and probably booze.  And, if he comes back for more, there’s more of a chance that he has some respect for you and likes you to some degree.  If he doesn’t then you know he’s not truly interested in you (only your vagina) and if you’re not into him enough to see him again, you know you dodged a “what in the hell was I thinking?” bullet.  I know that each situation is different, but I’ve been around the block (I’m 36, after all) and feel comfortable doling out this information as mostly correct.

So, before I meet anyone on AFF I let them know that there is no sex on the first date and that I’m not a whore who takes on any penis offered to me.  They either pass or meet me and I’ve never been treated poorly by any of my dates.  In fact, I’m so non-aggressive and I’m not oozing “fuck me now” sexuality, and we usually enjoy the conversation so much, that I think the lines get a little blurred.  Which is probably why my FWB is sending me flowers.

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3 thoughts on “Unfortunately, I’m not a whore

  1. I have to disagree. Fucking on a first date does not make one a “whore” or a “slut”. It’s an individual choice that each woman and man makes for themselves. Sometimes it turns into more and sometimes it doesn’t. If you’re regretting having sex “too early” based on the fact that you didn’t get a call back or you feel bad about having “given it away” you are treating sex as a commodity, as something you can use to get something in return. I just don’t see it that way. And if a guy is going to look down on me or decide that he doesn’t want a relationship with me SOLELY based on when we had sex, well then I’d say I dodged a bullet when I didn’t get a call back.

  2. I use the term whore very lovingly, which I guess one wouldn’t know unless they knew me. My bad! : )

    I wouldn’t lend $50 to someone I didn’t know, someone whose character I don’t know well enough to not take advantage of me. I see it the same way for sex. I’m not going to trust someone with my body if he’s not someone I know. It’s not about games or even “The Rules”. It’s not about too early or not early enough. I don’t want to find out after I trust someone enough to be intimate with him that he couldn’t be trusted afterall — in other words, I’d rather not say I dodged a bullet, I’d rather just use my intuition (which, admittedly, is not always right) and dodge that bullet in the first place.

    I don’t look down on women who put out on the first date. I know multiple partners, strangers, etc. can be a turn-on for some, and more power to them! I’ve done it and realized it’s not for me, and it’s not for a lot of women out there, from what I can tell. And, who knows, I might do it again someday, but I know that I will regret it, not because I feel like a whore (in the negative sense), but because I trusted someone with something before I knew he could be trusted, and I know better than that.

  3. I just wanted to let you know I how much I’ve enjoyed reading your blog. I don’t have that many single friends anymore, so at times it can be difficult to talk to them about my interesting adventure into internet dating. Thanks for your perspective!

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