I nixed television many months ago. When I’m bored and feel like relaxing, I turn to the internet. After reading some blogs, the news and maybe checking Facebook (which, when you’re my age, is quite boring because it’s all about “my wonderful children” and “my amazing husband” — yeah, right) I head over to Craigslist. I will look through the jobs section in all the areas I wouldn’t mind living in, just in case my perfect job and next adventure is there for me to find. Sometimes I look at apartments in those same areas and kind-of daydream about moving away and starting over, again. Inevitably, I head over to the Men seeking Women section.
When I was online dating I used to look for guys on those sites. They would often have a creepy ad in the Casual Encounters section that proclaimed they were not looking for a long-term relationship (LTR) while their OK Cupid or Match ad said otherwise. Now that I’m not online dating, I will peruse for the fun of it, and you know, just in case my perfect man and next adventure is there for me to find.
Sometimes I come across an ad that speaks to me so I will reply. 99.9% of the time I’m emailed back a photo of one of the ugliest creatures I have ever seen. Every once in a while he’s cute, but the emails turn weird and go from intelligent conversation and witty banter to something like, “do you want to meet tonight and maybe cuddle?” Ewwwwwww.
Despite all of the weirdness, I did meet my FWB on Craigslist and he is normal, attractive and all that stuff. He was a pleasant surprise. I have met one other man on Craigslist who I keep in touch with to this day, even though we met at least five years ago and he lives on the other side of the country. It keeps my hopes up, I guess.
I don’t know what I’m doing sometimes. When it comes down to it, I do not want a relationship. But I get bored and lonely and when I’m laying on the floor watching a movie while cuddling with my dog, it’s just not the same as being held by a man. I miss that stuff. Even though I get it to a certain degree with my FWB, I just don’t get it enough. I know there is a fine line here and I’d love to find that balance.
Part of this is the weather. I’m not running as much as I want to or need to, in part because I hate being cold. I know I’ll warm up while running, but it’s hard to get out there when it’s so cozy in here. I’ve also been trying to shift my runs to the morning (like 5AM) when I do my workouts the other three days of the week, but it’s not working for me. My legs feel like someone filled them with cement and I get hungry. There’s no energy out there that early in the morning for me to feed off of and I hate that. It plays with my psychologically, as well. “Why can’t I run three miles? What’s wrong with me?” So, I’m shifting my runs back to the evenings twice a week and then whenever on the weekends. And, I’ve come to the realization that there will be times when I have to run at the gym on the dreaded treadmill. Despite the nice weather yesterday I went to the gym and it wasn’t that bad. I did watch the time and it was hot and stuffy, which I hate as much as being cold, but I had a good run and felt energized, so that’s a plus.