Wow, what a week

I had a crazy deadline on Friday which left no time for anything other than work.  I got it done, slept 12 hours last night, and am getting back into the swing of things.  I’ve got myself into such a schedule as of late, that this change really messed things up.  That must mean I’m getting old!

The quick email to the Professor was just what he needed to ask me out.  One odd thing that happened when I was out with the Professor was that once or twice I caught him tit-gazing in a kind-of obvious way.  Sometimes these really smart guys can be a little awkward and they are never players, so I let it go.  One interesting thing about the Professor is that he was a college football star.  It seems like when you find someone really smart, he’s usually a lazy turd or super weird, so this is a nice find.  We’re going out next weekend.  The Professor is out of town until then.

I guess I’m going to a singles group meet-up this evening with a girlfriend and a bunch of other women.  This will be a first.  I’m not excited about it.  It’s raining and cold, dark and quiet, so I feel like laying around in my pjs and watching movies.  And, I’m supposed to meet up with a couple guys that I’ve been talking to on Match, maybe tomorrow.  Not sure, exactly.  I’m not excited about it at all, but I should still go, and put my best foot forward.

My Match membership expires on Friday and I don’t think I’m going to renew it.  I have so many other things I want to work on.  Work is busy this time of year.  I have to keep up with my running if I’m going to race in the spring (and not gain weight or sink into SAD-related depression) and I have a young dog that needs exercise, rain or shine, unless I want him to drive me absolutely up the wall.  I also have several family birthdays coming up, holiday parties, and work-related events.  I signed a contract for six months of these 5AM workouts three days per week and I have physical therapy to help me run pain-free twice a week and so I can increase my distance enough to run a full marathon in the next year, maybe two.

I’ve just realized that maybe I’m keeping myself super busy so I won’t feel . . . lonely, sad, angry, depressed and disappointed.  I feel good when I work out.  I feel good having a plan.  I feel good having goals and dreams.  But I’m also still dealing with the demise of my relationship with The Ex and everything that happened there, as well as the fact that I let it happen by sticking around for several years.  I’m still afraid to enter into a relationship, I think.  I haven’t found anyone relationship-worthy, but then again, maybe I have but I’m protecting myself?  I don’t know.  I’m just going to try to “be” and not overthink things.

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