I’m not a flirt

I’ve heard more than once from men I’ve ended up dating that they had no clue that I was interested in them.  They called me indifferent.  And, usually, when I end up in a relationship it is with men that persue me, sometimes quite aggressively.  That makes me weak in the knees and it causes my inner-girl to come out.  I like feeling wanted.  If I follow-up, they are confused, “I thought you were completely uniterested in me.”  I like to date really smart guys (former nerds, I guess) who are sometimes a little clueless when it comes to girls, and I am experienced enough to know that sometimes they need that extra push. 

I deal with men at work all the time, always have, and it’s important to me to keep it professional and for them to take me seriously.  Not that I am sexually harassed by my co-workers on a regular basis, but I don’t want to be looked at as just a “girl”.  I want to be an equal, not a sex object, not a secretary, but a professional colleague that happens to be a woman.  It’s been working for me.  But, sometimes, when dating, I forget that I’m supposed to be a little bit of a sex object, a little bit of a girl, a little bit of a flirt.  I’m too business-like.

I can flirt if I make an effort to do so, but with all these dates, I guess I become tired and desensitized, and the effort is too much to make.  There are times when it comes naturally — when I know someone is hot for me.  Flirting with someone who is not interested in me sounds humiliating.  I guess I’m sensitive to having crushes when the feeling is not mutual, probably from having too many unrequited loves as a chubby kid. 

Dates have not been successful as of late and I think that much of that has to do with the fact that I’m breezing through them and I’m tired, desensitized, in a hurry to do other things, fairly uninterested, pre-occupied, and bored.  No biggie — I haven’t met anyone I’ve been interested in, besides the guy who was too good to be true (let’s call him the Professor) and with him I wasn’t that interested.  His intelligence and success with his amazing smile and perfect gentleman ways did make me a little weak in the knees, but I’m certainly not head-over-heels.  Our date was at 9pm and I’m in bed by 10, so I was tired.  I’d go out with him again, just to see if maybe there is something.  And, if that should happen, and I find I am interested, I will turn the flirt on and see where that goes.  But, the Professor hasn’t called me since our date on Saturday night.  Being the ultra smart guy he is and as uncharming as I think I was, I went ahead and sent him a quick note this morning.  Generally, I wouldn’t, but in this case I think I needed to give him a green light, because I think it was yellow on our date.  We’ll see where it goes.



One thought on “I’m not a flirt

  1. Pingback: Wow, what a week | 36 and Single

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