Ridiculist

Must be the cold weather and people are trying to partner up.  Many of them fail . . . miserably.

I have a dog.  He’s not the type of dog that lays in the corner, unnoticed.  He’s in your face, happy, loves attention, wants to play and LOVES everyone.  He’s never met a stranger and does not understand anger, annoyance, sadness or indifference.  My FWB doesn’t hate dogs, but my dog is a bit much for him and while I can laugh at him for acting like a girl when he comes over and the dog is happy to see him (overly happy), I always have to put the dog away so he’s not uncomfortable.  It’s hard to get it on with a dog shoving a stuffed toy in your face, anyway.  So, in my online profile I do mention that I have a dog and prefer a guy who likes them.

I received a message from a man who sent me about three paragraphs of text about how great my profile was (and it was not a cut-and-past deal) that ended with a few sentences about how much he hates dogs, and how that’s really too bad because he thought we were soul mates.  He was kind-of a dick about it.  I tried to let it go . . . wait, who am I kidding? . . . what I really did was become increasingly annoyed and then I emailed him back.  He has kids and I told him his profile was great, but I hate kids.  If he gets rid of his kids, I’ll consider giving away my dog, so that maybe we can live happily ever after.  Makes sense, right? 

I saw two totally fucked-up ads this week.  One was a nasty diatribe about how women who travel, are always busy, exercise a lot, etc. are insane and what’s wrong with just sitting on a sofa and don’t they know anyone boring in their lives?  The tone gave me chills.  The second was an older man, divorced, with kids, a cancer survivor with physical limitations due to implications of the cancer, who wanted a woman within a specific age range, a specific height, a specific weight (10 lbs over is obese, in his opinion), without a Kim Kardashian ass, no kids, exercises regularly, dresses a certain way, etc.  I guess the twist here was that he was offering to pay all her bills.  He should have titled it, “Wanted: Prostitute”.

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