So many men . . . so little time

Between work, working out, friends, family, my dog, getting ready to take off on vacation for a few weeks, and just living, I have been dating.

First, I want to say that I’m finally seeing some results from my workouts and I’m going from “a few extra lbs” to “about average”.  Well, at least I think I am.  OK, let’s not get into this again.  Anyway, I’m very happy and excited and more important, I feel great!

I had a date with that guy again.  I need to pick a name . . .  We met for dinner on Friday.  He offered to drive clear over to my side of town to pick me up and then again to drop me off.  Very sweet.  I declined because being that I’m not sure about him, I didn’t want to deal with the awkward end of date “Can I come in?” question and I didn’t want him to go through too much trouble when I wasn’t sure how I felt.  I was already having heartburn about the end of the date kiss.

We met at an unpretentious downtown restaurant, had some wine and dinner, and talked until we were kicked out of the place.  As I sat across from him, I would go between thinking he’s attractive and liking him, to just thinking of him as friend material.  There was definitely friend chemistry, but I’m not sure about boyfriend chemistry.

When our evening ended, he drove me to my car (he was parked close, I was not).  I was really nervous about the kiss because I was, at this point, thinking friend only.  He went for it and I allowed myself to kiss him back.  Not bad.  He pulled me closer and was more affectionate than I expected.  And, I guess the only thing that kind-of turned me off was that he was making noise as we kissed.  You know, like, “mmmm”.  Weird.  I was surprised when I felt some tingling during our kiss, but then again, I’m such a horn-dog I would probably feel the same if I made out with a telephone pole.  The next day I received an email with a dinner invite.  This time, he wants to cook for me at his place.  I don’t know, but it sounds like he’s planning on getting in my pants.  I have yet to commit to a date on this one.

I had been chatting with another guy who I thought I’d really like.  Well, we met last night and yeah . . . not happening.  On my way home, I made a booty call and hooked-up with my FWB.  We had an amazing time, unlike our last meet-up.  And, this time I didn’t stick around to chat for long, so he didn’t irritate me or make me reconsider spending time with him.

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They can’t be trusted

Ironically, since I’ve been looking for a new FWB and nixing the whole relationship thing, my Match.com inbox over-floweth and my current FWB is rearing to go.  They are blowing up my phone to the point where I just turn it off around 9PM because either I really need to get some sleep for my morning workout or I just don’t feel like dealing with it and would rather go for a run or watch a Netflix movie with my puppy in my lap. 

I know, I know . . . not a bad problem to have, right?  Eh . . .

One guy in particular, who I met on Match.com (and when I say met I don’t mean met) claims in his profile that he does not engage in intimate relations with women until after the third date.  When I read it, in the back of my mind I was thinking, “If he has to say it, it probably means it’s not true.”  I don’t know, I just had a feeling about it.  Not that it bugged me, but it made an impression.  Turns out I was right because guess who is looking for NSA sex on CraigsList?  Yep, Mr. Innocent. 

I guess you can’t say I’m any better since I’m on Match.com but fucking around as much as possible (which frankly isn’t much at all — once every six weeks if I’m lucky and the stars and moon align enough so my FWB and I can actually find time in our schedules).  I don’t advertise myself as chaste.  In fact, I’m kind-of indifferent about the whole dating thing, I say nothing about boyfriends, husbands, marriage, partners, etc., and if someone were to ask me what my intentions were, I’d be honest and say I was looking for something casual versus a potential husband.  And, I don’t answer emails from men who communicate wanting a wife right away or being unable to wait to have a family of their own with three kids, or whatever.  I am open to a relationship if that’s what happens, but I’m also open to a sexual relationship, if that’s what happens.  I prefer the latter.

Point being . . .

I don’t know.  Just be careful.  If I were looking for a husband or boyfriend and thought his sex reference was cute and safe sounding, I’d probably be really pissed about Mr. Innocent as well as disgusted and annoyed.  Before I saw his posting on CL, I was planning on dropping him since he is a texter and not a doer, so I lost interest.  It doesn’t really matter to me. 

This reminds me a little of my Ex though, so even though I’m not hurt or mad, it’s a reminder that actions speak way louder than words, and that you really have to get to know someone before you know someone.  And, if they show their true self and you don’t like it, believe it, and walk away.

How about some advice?

As you don’t know me well, you may not realize how fickle I am.  I rarely get excited over men . . . or clothes, or anything, for that matter.  So, when I see someone or something I like, my excitement level hits an all-time high, since the occasion is so rare. 

Instead of going home for lunch like I usually do, I ran to the grocery store near the office to grab a salad and some fruit for myself and my co-workers (cherries – because I’m nice like that).  As I was walking toward the store, a big white truck rolls into a spot a couple cars from me.  We make eye contact and I think, “He’s cute.”

I get my salad from the deli while he is at the sandwich counter.  I recognize him as the same guy.  This time I think, “He’s really cute!”  As I walk by, we make eye contact, and it’s pretty obvious that we’re both staring.  I suck in my tummy, walk taller, and wish I hadn’t worn my computer glasses.  My outfit is pretty cute though, and I’m glad I put my hair in a ponytail since I didn’t blow-dry it this morning. 

After I got what I needed, I walk out of the aisle toward the check-out counter.  He sees me again and waves off the counter person.  In my mind, they offered to let him pay there and he declined just so he could GET IN LINE RIGHT BEHIND ME!   

Like any idiot, I stand there feeling his eyes on me, and I’m frozen.  I want to turn around and say “hi” and he’s sooo close . . . But, I’m totally petrified and I don’t know what to do, because I know if I try, I will say or do something stupid, like my voice will be off or I’ll fart or something.  Shouldn’t he be the one doing something anyway?  Isn’t that his job?  The people in front of me are about 97 years old and pay with a personal check.  It’s like the longest wait in a grocery store check-out line ever and I’m dying

My turn comes and I’m so glad that my grocery order does not contain tampons, douches, condoms or Monostat.  I’m also happy that there are no Doritos or Ben & Jerrys.  The check-out lady butchers my last name and I’m so out of there.  I walk/sprint self-consciously to the door and practically get run over while booking it to my car. 

Once I’m there, I realize blew just it.  I wished I’d just turned around and smiled, given him the opportunity to introduce himself.  Shit, shit, shit!  Regrouping, I decide to leave my number on his windshield.  I rifle through my purse.  At this point the thought of sneaking something onto his windshield before he walks out of the store practically makes me pee my pants.  No pen.  No business card.  Fuck, fuck, fuck! 

So, I sit there.  And wait.  And think.  And then realize I probably just missed out on my soul mate, my lifelong partner, the father of my children, and he’s probably got a huge . . . wait, he’s walking out of the store!  Is he looking my way?  Will he walk over to my window and ask for my number?  Can he see me?  OMG . . . what do I do?

And, he’s gone.  Thankfully he was driving a company vehicle with a nice, big logo emblazened on three sides.  Naturally, as soon as I step into my office, I look him up, then thank the Google-Gods for their awesomeness.  He owns the company and I have the number and the email.  I don’t know if that number or email goes to him or a secretary type.  He could be married.  Or not.  He’s definitely cute (soooo cute). 

So, now I pose the question to my dear reader(s):

What would you do?

Finally . . . a date

The meeting on Friday after work just didn’t happen due to a disappearing email.  No one was stood up, not drama, just didn’t happen.  We rescheduled to this morning.  I didn’t feel like having a regular date.  I don’t have the time, I don’t want to make the time and getting dolled up, driving to a pre-determined destination, sitting there feeling tense and judged, wondering if the thinks I’m fat and afterward feeling disappointment plus the frustration of spending the time getting ready, wasting the product (make-up, hair, etc.) and not doing what really needed to get done with that time (laundry, vacuuming, a nap) just did not appeal to me.

So, we met at a dog park . . . at 9AM.  Might as well kill two birds with one stone, and while we’re at it, just get it done and over with early in the day.

I will say this, the guy is super nice without seeming like a pushover.  He brought me coffee, he walked my dog on the trail so I could drink it, he didn’t get weirded out when my dog used his shorts to dry off with after a dip in the river and he was all-around happy and easy going.  Truth is, he is probably too nice for me.

But . . . and isn’t there always a but? . . . when I thought about kissing him, I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it.  He was not attractive to me at all.  He looked like a hawk.  I really, really wanted to like him.  I still do, and that is why I am considering going to dinner with him.  Sometimes a guy can grow on you.  I honestly don’t see it happening here, but I have met few people as nice as this guy, so I kinda want to give him a chance.

What’s up?

I haven’t been up to anything too exciting, I’m afraid.  And, it’s been nice.  Just quiet, but busy, focusing on yours truly.  Here are some updates:

The man that I cancelled on last week, I never heard back from.  No surprise there.

The awkard date and I have not communicated since our horrible date.  Again, no surprise.

I changed my body type on my dating profile from ‘curvy’ to ‘a few extra lbs’ and it doesn’t seem to have made a difference.

My FWB search is at a stand-still.  I’ve lost momentum.  I’ve been ghosted from CL (again) and answering ads just doesn’t work out.  The one man I was chatting with, and seemed like a possibility?  Just . . . no.  When I told him I had to get up at 4:45 AM the next morning and he called me after 11 PM to find out what I was up to, I lost all attraction.  Who does that?  JK, my current FWB, and I will continue to get together, though it seems to be waning.

I’m meeting a guy this evening from Match.  He wanted to meet so I gave him a few options based on where I would be over the next couple of days.  I feel like I can’t be bothered to go out of my way to meet someone new.  I look cute today, casual Friday and all, and I figure I can meet him for 30 minutes while I’m running a couple errands after work, and before I head home and crash before a busy weekend.

Loving and loathing Craigslist

I mentioned awhile back that I was ghosted from Craigslist (CL) because I posted ads, got flagged (by assholes) then, out of irritation would re-post the same ad, which would also get flagged, so it was assumed I was spamming . . . and the vicious cycle continues.

Believe it or not, I’ve met some great guys on CL.  Cute, successful, nice, great in bed . . .  I’ve had better luck there than on Match, OK Cupid and POF combined.  You have to be adept at reading people through their writing, and I think I am.  Recently I’ve been answering CL ads in the M4W section, in both the Long Term Relationships (LTR) and Casual Encounters (NSA) sections.  Most men won’t post a photo on their ad or they post a body shot.  I’ve seen enough hairy bellies and FUPAs to last a lifetime!  I rarely respond to posts with those types of images but I have replied to posts without images and 99.9% of the time have been severely disappointed when I receive a photo in reply. 

Posting my own ad has been, by far, the best way to go.  If I could get around the flagging and the bullshit, CL would be a dream come true.  I think guys are just hesitant to post a face photo and know that image-less ads don’t generate much traffic, so they are more likely to respond to ads.  I don’t like to throw my face on CL, either.  Being a woman, though, you can just throw a boob up there, even just part of a boob, and your inbox will literally blow-up. 

For shits and giggles I placed a quick ad on CL last night, in the NSA section.  I just wanted to see if it would publish.  It did and before I knew it I had nearly 30 replies.  Then 40.  Then 50.  The ad lasted maybe 15 minutes before it was flagged to death.  I wasn’t impressed with any of the responders. 

I have to wait to re-post my ad so I don’t get ghosted again.  In the meantime, I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing to get flagged to death.  Upon further review and digging through the CL help section, I found this link which seems to sum up all the reasons I get flagged, which is such bullshit.

Apparently, in order to have a successful ad that’s not flagged by all the dick-heads in this town, one must follow these rules (this is a Cliffnotes version of the link above):

  • Don’t post your ad more than once a week, or you will get flagged, even if it’s a different ad.  Someone will figure it out.
  • Don’t ask for too much out of men.  They feel inadequate and by flagging you, they feel much, much better. 
  • No lists of ‘do-not-wants’.  They feel inadequate and by flagging you, they feel much, much better. 
  • You must reply favorably to every email, therefore not hurting anyone’s poor wittle feelings.  If you don’t, they will feel inadequate and by flagging you, they feel much, much better. 
  • A photo must accompany an ad.  If not, that will just piss them off, even though in the M4W section no one posts images.
  • Don’t say you’re ‘curvy’ or ‘voluptuous’ because that makes the men mad since they think you really mean ‘fat’.  And whatever you do, do NOT say you are a BBW.  God, this one is stupid.
  • Don’t make your ad too long because that will annoy them and then they get all mad and hit the flag button.  If you seem too smart, they will feel inadequate and by flagging you, they feel much, much better. 

What does a girl have to do to get laid in this town?